Passing The Torch
by Laura Schiller
Summary: A Trill ritual gives Ezri her once-in-a-lifetime chance to speak to Jadzia.


Passing The Torch

By Laura Schiller

Based on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Copyright: Paramount

(Author's Note: The Zhian'tara ritual is canon, and fully described in the third-season episode "Facets".)

Ezri Dax took a deep breath as the Guardian chanted on in untranslatable Ancient Trill, one of his hands on her back, the other on Kira Nerys'. The fire in the pit crackled softly, the only sound in the room other than the Guardian's thin, aged voice. This was the eighth and last step of Ezri's Zhian'tara, but considering her nerves, it might as well have been the first. Nerys gave her a reassuring nod. _I'm glad you chose me,_ she had said.

The Guardian fell silent. A blue mist passed through him, from Ezri to Kira. The Bajoran's head drooped, her glossy dark hair falling over one eye. When she straightened, it was Jadzia looking out from her face.

Kira/Jadzia looked down at her temporary body, flicked back that errant strand of hair, clasped her hands behind her back, and grinned.

"Hey, isn't this the same room where I had _my_ Zhian'tara? Are we on Deep Space Nine?"

"Actually, yes," said Ezri. "I'm Ezri. I'm the station's counsellor. And this is Jerik," gesturing towards the Guardian. Jadzia gave him a brief nod, but was sidetracked by the unusual fact of Ezri's position

"No offense, but … since when do we need a counsellor?"

"Since the Dominion war got a whole lot worse." They exchanged a look of grim sympathy; Jadzia, who had had enough of war in her lifetime, did not press for details.

"Does the Symbiosis Commission know you're here?" she asked instead.

Ezri shrugged uncomfortably. "They made an exception. I was an emergency transfer, you see … on the way to Trill, Dax took a turn for the worse and I was the only Trill on board. I couldn't let it die."

Kira/Jadzia's expression warmed. "So my fellow hosts and I owe you our existence, then. Thank you."

"Yes, well … once I was joined, I didn't feel right on the _U.S.S. Destiny_ at all. Neither did my shipmates, for that matter. This guy I had a crush on looked just like Audrid's son!" Jadzia giggled. "So I went to look for Benjamin. He helped _you _adjust after you were joined, remember? He's been our anchor. The only thing that makes sense, sometimes. And coming to Deep Space Nine felt like coming home."

"I know. I loved it here," Jadzia said, making Kira's face light up. She took Ezri's arm and began leading her toward the door. "Let's go explore, shall we? Is Quark's still there? And that little Klingon restaurant on the Promenade?"

Ezri planted her feet on the ground and shook her head. "Jadzia … I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Oh, come on," Jadzia coaxed. "You don't know how much I'm craving a hot raktajino and a tongo game right now. And Ben will have a field day … unless … " Meeting Ezri's solemn eyes made her draw in a sharp breath, the happiness draining from her face. "Is he … ?"

"He's … gone," Ezri explained. "It's a long story … officially he's dead, but Kasidy says he talked to her in a vision. He told her he's with the Prophets," gesturng at the viewport to indicate the wormhole that was their Celestial Temple. "And he promised to come back. We just don't know when."

Jadzia sighed. "There goes the Emissary, eh? Curzon and I always knew he'd be something special … but this is _not_ what we had in mind."

"The station's changed so much," Ezri continued. "Kira's in command now. She and Quark and Ju – Dr. Bashir and I are the only ones left of the old senior staff. Oh, and Nog – he's a lieutenant now. Are you sure you wouldn't rather remember it the way it was?"

Jadzia looked shocked. "What – you mean they _all_ left? The O'Briens?"

"Moved to Hong Kong, Earth."

"Leeta?"

"She married Rom. He's the Grand Nagus now, if you can believe it."

"No! Really?" They shared a momentary giggle at the downtrodden engineer's triumph. "What about Odo?"

"He joined the Great Link after the war ended."

"And … Worf?"

Ezri blushed. The more she tried to stop it, the redder her round cheeks grew. It was beyond awkward to talk about him with Jadzia of all people.

"He's been appointed Klingon Ambassador to the Federation. The last I heard from him, he was doing fine."

"Ezri?" Jadzia's gentle tone made the situation even more embarrassing. "Are you okay? I can guess what happened. Knowing my husband, he probably didn't handle the transition very well."

"No … he didn't."

Jadzia rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. The concept of you having my memories goes against his religion, and he gave you some targ manure about you dishonoring my legacy."

"Something like that."

"I hope you stood up to him."

"I did … but then it got worse." Ezri braced herself for the confession. "We slept together. Worf and I."

Her words came out sounding more sharp and defiant than she had intended. Jadzia, wearing Kira's face, looked just like the Colonel did after a particularly grueling day in Ops.

"You did what?" she asked flatly.

"Do you have any idea how overpowering your memories can be?" Ezri had a bad habit of chattering when she was angry or afraid, carried over from her pre-joining days. "At least when you met Lenara Kahn, you had your training to fall back on. I had nothing!" Jadzia winced, remembering the heartbreak of the moment when Nilani's successor had left her behind.

"We both knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened," Ezri continued. "He loved _you_, Jadzia, not me – I couldn't have replaced you if I tried. We're just friends now. He treats me like an overprotective big brother."

"And don't you forget it, Lieutenant." Jadzia's eyes flashed in a very Kira-esque manner, but the relieved smile at the corners of her mouth told Ezri the other woman was not as angry as she looked.

"_Julian_'s the one for me," she dared to say. "We're engaged to be married, actually." She pulled out a Trill betrothal necklace from under her uniform collar and held the blue gemstone pendant close, preparing for Jadzia's temper to explode.

Jadzia's next move was something Ezri never would have expected, not in a hundred years. She threw back her head and laughed.

"I'm sorry," she said, still short of breath and grinning. "I'm sorry, Ezri. Wow … I must have made one hell of an impression on Dax. And you, with not even an initiate's training … frankly I'm amazed you're still sane. It takes a strong person to do that."

"You mean you don't mind?"

"No, I'm happy for you!" Jadzia examined the necklace and cooed over it, like an older relative offering congratulations. "Ooh, how pretty! Someone's been doing his homework."

"Thank you." Ezri couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"We both know it would never have worked out between Julian and me," Jadzia said ruefully. "He's adorable, all right," with an impish smile. "But we were better as friends. He was just so _young_ … more in love with the idea of love, you know?"

Ezri nodded soberly. "He's matured very much since the war."

"He must have, since he chose you."

"What do you – " Ezri stuttered, more startled by her predecessor's kindness than she would have been by a shouting match. How often had she fought Jadzia in her own mind - and lost? Why couldn't it have been like this from the beginning?

"But – but I'm not like you, Jadzia. I can't wield a bat'leth, or do gymnastics like Emony, or charm people like you and Curzon. I'm not exciting or glamorous … I'm just plain Ezri."

"Oh? Well, Just Plain Ezri, you know what? _I_ could never have been a counselor. I don't have the patience for it. And all those things about me you think are exciting and glamorous are mostly left over from _my_ predecessors – Curzon especially. Jadzia Idaris was a lonely science nerd."

"You've got to be kidding."

"See for yourself once we're reintegrated. And I _couldn't_ have handled Dax and all its baggage without going through the initiate program – which I did twice, remember?"

"I want to thank you for that, by the way," said Ezri.

"For what, re-applying?"

"Yes. You see, being joined made me miserable at first," she admitted. "For a while there, I hardly knew my own name. But you, Jadzia, you worked so hard for it, and when you got Dax," she stroked her own abdomen where the symbiont was curled up, "You were so happy and proud. You helped me see how … how wonderful joined life could be, if I'd only let it."

"I'm glad," said Jadzia, giving her a sisterly hug. "You make a great host, Ezri. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

/

They toured the station together, reliving old memories. Jadzia defeated an overjoyed Quark at tongo ("Just for old time's sake"), congratulated Nog on being the first Ferengi to graduate from Starfleet Academy, and polished off a bowlful of squirming gagh at the Klingon restaurant while Ezri sipped on a raktajino (to pacify the enormous waiter, who didn't take kindly to a customer who ordered nothing). They had a long talk with Kasidy Yates, gave baby Joseph his due of admiration, and even talked to Jake on the comm. Jake was on Bajor, engaged to a local girl named Korena, writing for the provincial news network and working on a novel in his spare time.

"You look so much like your dad," Jadzia told him. "I'm sure he's proud of you … I know I am."

Last of all, Ezri stayed outside as Jadzia entered the Infirmary to speak to Julian. When the doors opened, the two old friends were standing side by side, both smiling, both with tears in their eyes. Ezri did not ask them what they had talked about – not out of jealousy, but simply because her nine lives told her this was private.

Julian held out his arms to Ezri without speaking. They held each other for a long moment, blue eyes reflecting brown. _Don't worry, I'm all right._

"Look after each other," said Jadzia, smiling sadly. "And if – when Benjamin comes back, tell him … tell him next time he wants a holiday, he can just fly to Risa!"

"I'll be sure to remember," Ezri replied lightly, to disguise her sadness over the approaching separation.

"It's not goodbye, Ezri," said Jadzia, as if reading her mind. "If you need me, I'll be just a thought away."

Silently, they walked back down the corridor to the room they had used for the ritual, where Guardian Jerik, who had refused to come on the tour, was patiently waiting for the last step. With due dignity (and visible relief – eight hosts took a lot of energy to transfer), the old gentleman drew Jadzia's consciousness out and back into Dax's body, where it belonged.

Kira Nerys blinked, touched one of Jadzia's tears still shining on her cheek, and smoothed her uniform like a bird settling its feathers.

"She was my best friend," was the first thing she said.

"You were hers."

"Thank you for giving me … giving us … the chance to say goodbye as it should have been said."

_You're welcome_, whispered Jadzia, once more a beautiful voice in the chorus of Ezri's mind.


End file.
